LADIES AND GENTLEMEN, MY NEXTGUEST IS A HILARIOUS COMEDIAN LADIES AND GENTLEMEN, MY NEXTGUEST IS A HILARIOUS COMEDIAN YOU.AS ALWAYS. CAN I JUST SAY SOMETHINGREALLY FAST? CAN I JUST SAY SOMETHINGREALLY FAST? CAN TAKE AWAY OTHERS FREEDOMTO LIVE IN A SAFE MANNER. THAT'S ALL I WANTED TO SAY.>> Stephen: I LIKE IT. THERE ARE RAMIFICATIONS FORTHE EXERCISE OF ALL OF OURFREEDOMS. THERE YOU GO.>> YES, YES, ABSOLUTELY.

BUT, IT'S GOOD TO SEE YOU.>> Stephen: IT IS. IT IS GOOD TO SEE YOU.I REALLY LIKE ANY INTERVIEWS HAVE PREAMBLES.ME, TOO. WE HOLD THESE TRUTH TO BESELF-EVIDENT. >> I WANTED TO GET THAT OUTTHERE. >> Stephen: IF YOU WERE JAREDLETO, I WOULD SAY THAT CANE IS AN AFFECTATION.BUT YOU ARE NOT. YOU ARE TIG NOTARO.THIS IS NOT A BIT, I'MGUESSING. >> NO, IT'S NOT.>> Stephen: WHAT IS HAPPENING?.

>> I HAVE A FRACTURED FEMUR.>> Stephen: OOOH. >> AND THIS IS MY ALLIGATORCANE. AND IT'S JUST KIND OF A HELLOTO THE SOUTH THAT– YOU KNOW,I'M FROM THE– TWO OTHER PEOPLE!>> Stephen: I HAVE A QUESTION FOR YOU.THAT LOOKS LIKE YOU COULD UNSCREW THE TO3 AND IT WOULDHAVE A SWORD INSIDE OF IT, OR SOMETHING.>> NO. IT'S JUST THE FULL BODY OF ANALLIGATOR IS IN THERE. >> Stephen: SO, HERE'S THETHING THE REASON I FEELTERRIBLE.

ABOUT YOUR CANE IS THAT WESHOT “PICKLED” EARLIER THISFALL. >> WE DID.>> Stephen: WHICH IS, AS EVERYONE KNOWS, IT'S THE FIRSTCELEBRITY CHARIT PICKLEBALL TOURNAMENT OF ALL TIME. ( APPLAUSE ) DISTRIBUTES HUNDREDS OFMILLIONS OF DOLLARS TOCHILDREN AND FAMILY AT RISK, AND YOU WEREONE OF THE MEGASTARS WHO WASKIND ENOUGH TO SHOW UP AND PLAYPICKLEBALL IN 107-DEGREE HEATIN THOUSAND OAKS, CALIFORNIA.AND YOU HAD A FRACTURED FEMUR THEN.>> YEAH, YEAH.

>> Stephen: AND THE DOCTORSAID IN NO UNCERTAIN TERMS… >> YOU SHOULD GET AN ALLIGATORCANE. ( LAUGHTER )>> Stephen: CAN YOU SHARE YOUR DOCTOR'S CARD.I WOULD LIKE TO GO TO THAT DOCTOR.>> YEAH, I– YEAH, HE WASLIKE, “LOOK, YOU'RE GOING TO DO WHATYOU WANT TO DO, BUT YOU SHOULDN'T BE PLAYINGPICKLEBALL WITH A FRACTUREDFEMUR.” AND I WAS LIKE, “YOU DO YOURTHING, AND I'LL DO MINE.” ( LAUGHTER ).PLAY ALONE.

YOU PLAYED WITH THERE'S AMYSTERY PARTNER FOR YOU. >> WHICH MAKES ME FEEL LIKE IPLAYED ALONE, BECAUSE NOBODY WILL SAY HIS NAME. ( LAUGHTER ). AREN'T IMPORTANT.WE'RE NOT GOING TO SAY HISNAME. >> YEAH.>> Stephen: UNTIL TOMORROW. I'M NOT EVEN GOING TO SAYWHETHER IT'S A HE OR SHE. >> WELL, I AM. ( LAUGHTER ). ENOUGH.>> IT WAS A HE. >> Stephen: FAIR ENOUGH.IT WAS A HE.

WE HAVE A CLIP HERE.AND WE'RE GOING TO BLUR THIS PERSON'S FACE.>> GREAT. >> Stephen: AND WE HAVEAFFECTED THEIR VOICE. >> IS IT BLURRED IN THESPECIAL, TOO? >> Stephen: NO, IN THE SPECIALYOU WILL SEE– YOU'LL SEE THIS PERSON'S FACE.BUT FOR TONIGHT, IT'S BLURRED BECAUSE THIS IS THE MYSTERYGUEST. >> I GET IT.>> Stephen: OKAY. JIM.>> WE'RE GOING TO BE SEEING.

JUNE JUNE DIANE RAPHAEL, ANDPAUL SCHEER PLAY ( BLEEP ) AND TIG NOTARO.AND ( BLEEP ). >> NO WE WERE JUST HUGGING.DON'T WORRY ABOUT IT. MUFFLED VOICE ( BLEEP ). ( APPLAUSE )PADEM STAKES VERSUS PARTY 'TIL YOU CUKE.LET'S WATCH. >> EVERYBODY, YOUR PRODUCERS,OTHER PICKLEBALL PLAYERS, EVEN THE CARD YOU WROTE ME AFTERJUST REALLY EMPHASIZED HOWINCREDIBLE IT WAS THAT I WAS THE FIRSTONE TO SIGN ON TO THE PROJECT.

>> Stephen: YOU WERE.>> OKAY, BUT… SO. ( LAUGHTER ) OF LOW-RENT THING DID I JUSTSIGN UP FOR? ( LAUGHTER )STEPHEN, EVERY TIME– EVERYTIME I TURNED AROUND, SOMEONE SAID,”I HEARD YOU WERE THE FIRSTONE TO SIGN ON TO THIS.”AND THE FACT THAT YOU WROTE MEA CARD THANKING ME.I WAS TRULY LIKE, WELL, NO. >> Stephen: MAY I EXPLAIN?>> YEAH, PLEASE! BECAUSE, STILL, EVEN SITTINGRIGHT HERE, YOU'RE LIKE, “I.

KNOW!THANK YOU!” HOW MANY– HOW MANY HARDPASSES DID YOU GET? ( LAUGHTER )BEFORE I — >> Stephen: BEFORE YOU?BEFORE YOU? >> YEAH, YEAH.>> Stephen: NONE. I SWEAR TO GOD.YOU WERE THE FIRST THING I HEARD, PASS OR OTHERWISE.TIG NOTARO IS IN. AND I WAS LIKE, “OH, THAT'SFANTASTIC!” BECAUSE WE THOUGHT WE HAD AGOOD IDEA.

WE THOUGHT IT GOING TO BE FUN,RAISE MONEY FOR COMIC RELIEF, HAVE SOME FUN, PLAYPICKLEBALL. AND I WAS LIKE IWONDER IF ANYBODY WILL UNDERSTAND HOWTHIS CAN BE FUN. >> I STILL DON'T UNDERSTAND.>> Stephen: AND YOU DID IT. DID YOU HAVE NO FUN?>> YOU ARE THE LOVE OF MYLIFE, AND YOU KNOW THAT.I HAD A BLAST. I HAD SO MUCH FUN.BUT IT REMINDED ME OF THE FACT THAT I FOR A BRIEF PERIOD OFTIME, I WAS WITH A MANAGEMENT COMPANY THAT MADE A PHONE CALLTO ME BECAUSE THEY WERE.

CONCERNED SAYING– THEY HAD WEFEEL LIKE YOU SAY YES TO EVERYTHING YOU'RE OFFERED.AND THEY SAID, “DO YOU NEED MONEY?” ( LAUGHTER ) HUMILIATING PHONE CALLS I'VEEVER GOTTEN. BUT, YOU KNOW, I LIKE TO TAKEPROJECTS THAT SEEM INTERESTING OR, LIKE –>> Stephen: I'M SO PLEASED. BECAUSE HERE'S THE THING– WEWERE WORRIED THAT SOME PEOPLE WOULDN'T UNDERSTAND HOW THISCOULD BE FUN. AND WHEN I FOUND OUT THAT YOUWANTED TO DO IT, I WENT, “OH,.

THIS MUST BE GOOD BECAUSE TIGWANTS TO DO IT.” >> NO, TALK TO MY OLDMANAGERS. IT MEANS NOTHING. >> Stephen: OH…>> IN FACT — >> Stephen: I THOUGHT YOU WERESAYING IT WAS A BENEDICTION ON WHAT WE WERE DOING.>> NO, IN FACT, THEY'REPROBABLY GOING TO BE HORRIFIED WHENTHEY SEE THEY ALSO TOOK THISJOB. ( LAUGHTER )>> THANK YOU. >> Stephen: THANK YOU.HOLD ON. HOLD ON.THERE'S TIG RIGHT THERE.

THERE'S TIG RIGHT THERE.WE HAVE THAT SHOT? ( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE )“PICKLED” PREMIERES TOMORROWON CBS AT 9:00 P.M.STARRING TIG NOTARO,EVERYBODY.
Tig Notaro can’t say who she partnered with in Stephen Colbert’s celebrity pickleball tournament, but she can share what her doctor said when she notified him that she’d be competing despite having a fractured femur. Watch Tig and her mystery partner compete in “PICKLED,” airing Thursday, November 17th at 9/8c on CBS! #Colbert #TigNotaro #PICKLED #Pickleball

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